The ‘Faulty corner’: Facilitator 1

Do you normally tell yourself that you are very observant?

Do you normally say you have a sharp eye… and you notice little details?… but for some reason, you seem to notice specific things.

Majority of the time, all you seem to notice are faults and mistakes and errors in the way people look, dress, speak, converse, how they walk, how and what they eat… or just how people live their lives in general; that doesn’t match how you think life should be lived… WELPPP! Sorry to burst your bubble but you aren’t just observant, you are actually living, breathing and existing in the FAULTY CORNER.

What is a faulty corner? I don’t think there is, or know of, a google definition for this… NGL I think I made up the phrase… but in this context, I will give it a definition. I will define it as a mental dwelling space where flaws, errors, mistakes and weaknesses are made most prominent and strengths, merits and goods are belittled and made to look like nothing about oneself and/or other. It isn’t a physical space or like a part of a building we can see, it is an abstract concept that is very real on a day to day basis for a lot of our lives, and it is one we are almost always unaware of. This is because, a lot of the time we slip into this faulty corner unconsciously, and a lot of the time for a few people, we dwell in the faulty corner purposely. Without meaning to, we gather information into this faulty corner via our senses, and obviously, the factory setting for our senses isn’t to see only good things. If our eyes or ears only saw or heard good and no bad at all we would need like a factory reset; our senses are built to perceive both good and bad .

I’m going to be real and share my own experience of living, breathing and existing in the faulty corner, the struggles of going in and out of it, how I got out of it, why I got stuck back in it, how I got out of it again and why I might have gone through a few of the cycles… it has been a process y’all!!!. I think there are different things that facilitate or keep us in this faulty corner, and all might not relate to you, but one might just hit home.

The first facilitator of the faulty corner is comparison. Comparison simply means considering or estimating similarities and dissimilarities between two things or people. Now comparison in itself isn’t a negative thing, we are supposed to compare things to get the best out of our options, its an ability every person possess. We can go to the shop and compare chicken, based on how they look or price; or between different outfits on which is best. However, the comparison I am referring to as negative is self comparison, which comes as a result of putting oneself as an object to compare with others. Now I get that comparing could maybe motivate you to be better at something or the other, but the bottom line is, making comparison comes from a foundation of dissatisfaction in oneself, and in this generation, it is mainly about looks, status, and reputation, which in itself is shallow. It is enhanced by a myriad of insecurities which feed into each other, forms a web, and is manifested as discontent, jealousy or envy.

I’m sure we’ve at some point in our beautiful lives heard the saying “comparison is the thief of joy”; this saying doesn’t get any more real than experiencing your joy just getting sucked out of you. See, people can pretend and even deceive themselves into believing that they are above making comparisons, if you want to do that, that your business, but the only way to solve an issue is to shed light on it, not shove it in the darkest corners of our hearts and just hope it will eventually go away. We as individuals probably compare on a daily basis, whether consciously or unconsciously. This becomes an issue when we become consumed by comparison – comparing that isn’t yielding any positive result – and we are left joyless.

In 2 cor 10:12, the bible says..."Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding."

Just imagine if there was only one type of food or one type of fruit or one type of drink in the whole universe. Or imagine the apple asking why it isn’t an orange!

Now I don’t think there’s some one-method-fits-all way out of comparison, because we all have different things we compare, at different levels and we are affected by comparison individually. But from my own Christian point of view, the only person we should compare ourselves to is Jesus, no human is perfect, no human should make us feel incomplete, or make us live in discontent. Humans are not objects to measure ourselves against, they are people to build a community with. If we let God reveal to us how he sees us on a daily, we would walk with our heads held high, blessing God for the grace to see the uniqueness in each other, not being angry at God for the difference in each other. Now don’t get me wrong, being content does not mean you stop wanting to improve, or be better at something, it just means you wanting to be better or improved at something isn’t coming from a place of insecurity but rather a place of love, joy and understanding.

Is that comparison making you Better or Bitter?

The seed of comparison in our lives bears fruits of bitterness of some sort, in different sizes and shapes, especially if this comparison is allowed to take root, grow and spread its branches into all aspects of our lives. At some point we just stop noticing our wins, and only see our losses; we stop noticing the things that yes, may be different, they are actually beautiful, but we just see them as ugly. A lot of the times, unfortunately, these branches of bitterness and insecurities grow out of us, in what we say to people, what we think of people, how we relate with them and how we allow them to relate with us. The saddest thing is that a lot of people have just accepted that “IT IS WHAT IT IS”. NOOOO!!! IT IS NOT. God did not take his time to make us beautifully and wonderfully just for us to walk around as vessels of bitterness, insecurities and envy. It is a product from the pits of hell, and it is one we should not accommodate. PERIODT!!!

Psalms 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well".

Simple steps that I took and am still taking to stop comparing myself to other: it’s a daily process!

1. I accepted and still accepting ME FOR ME. Flaws, temperaments and all.
2. Love your past, embrace your present and be hopeful for your future.
3. Trust that God knows what he is doing, in and through your life. Do not fret!
4. Don’t be too harsh on yourself, if you won’t love you, who will? We are not perfect, and we are only human.
5. Shut out the extra, unnecessary and discouraging noise, which comes majorly from social media and bad friends. If it isn’t or they aren’t helping you flourish in some form, it is or they are helping you fail in all form!