I heard something today, “Beauty can be idolised”… and this started a conversation in my head because this little innocent statement from an amazing friend of mine struck a chord. Different thoughts racing through the tracks of my mind, fighting to arrive at a platform.

Am I guilty of this? First thoughts to this innocent rhetorical question, I heard a yes ring clear in my head. I want to say I was shocked, but that would be a fat lie. I knew this, as clear a day: I cared ALOT about being beautiful, but even ALOT MORE about being SEEN as beautiful (now imagine the conflict when my skin became speckled), but when you throw in the word ‘IDOL’, NGL it makes me feel uncomfortable and guilty.

Let me explain the guilt, I’m Christian, and a strong advocate of God first, God only and God always. But where exactly have I placed God when I have an idol? Another question, am I ready to let go of this idol, and if the answer is no, where does that place God, and where does that place me?

I’m not saying I don’t want to let go of this idol, cos honestly I would love to, but this is my place of familiarity, I know this existence like the back of my hand. I’ve lived with this idol all my adult life, but the most important question tho is, is this present existence of mine helping me be better or move forward in any way? Or has it just kept me stuck in the same place all my adult life, mentally? The unfortunate answer to that would be the latter.

So this is the intense conflict I experienced within, on a beautiful Sunday evening. I am familiar with beauty as an idol. I don’t know an adult existence without it, and if I was to let go, I fear the unknown, but if I was to still hold on, apart from intentionally now choosing to maintain an idol and not putting God as number 1, I am now also intentionally choosing to be stuck in this current existence.

Just thought I’d start a thought process in your mind, I’m still figuring all this out.

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